Snip Snip! Gone!

I just had a vasectomy and boy I feel great! Yeah, right. Here's how it went.

I started off my uncomfortable day scratching my balls. They itched like crazy because I had to shave them last night. The only good thing about that was that I looked like a porn star afterwards. Nevermind, there's nothing really good about shaving your balls because sharp blades just don't belong down there. Plus, I didn't really look porn star at all.

While walking through the parking lot of the hospital, we saw Santa Clause driving a broken down blue Pontiac. We later saw him in the urology department and I said, "Look Ethan, Santa's getting a vasectomy just like daddy!" He got really excited.

So the next part of my uncomfortable day was walking into this ice cold bathroom/changing room. It must've been 50 degrees in there. Then after walking into the operating room with my ass hanging out of the gown, this really hot nurse walks in to prep me. I'm like, "Heh... hi! Sure is cold in here, isn't it?" I felt like an idiot.

She started off sticking a big grounding patch to my back, which was also ice cold. Then had me lay back and lift up my gown. Talk about uncomfortable! I was basically flashing a hot chick in a freezing cold room. Can you say "Shrinkage?" How embarrassing! I thought that this would be really good fantasy material or something... Wrong!

To top it all off, she had to spread that orange shit all over the area, and guess what... It was also ICE COLD! She used some kind of sponge and did it like 4 or 5 times. Up, down, all around... It was a very humbling experience.

The doctor came in and talking to him was the only comforting factor in the whole procedure. He's done this somewhere between 500 to 1000 times. So that was good but that didn't last very long.

He started off by squeezing my sack and giving me a numbing shot, explaining that I'd feel a 'sharp prick'. Uh, I felt it! Then I'd feel a 'burning sensation'... didn't feel that. Then I'd feel 'some pressure'. Heh, bullshit. It felt like I got hit in the balls by a little league baseball champ swinging a bat at a pinata! Man, that hurt like crazy! I naturally want to curl up or bend over, but I just had to lay there flat on my back.

Then I noticed that I could see an obscured reflection of what he was doing in the overhanging light. I saw scissors and needles and that just made it worse. Just like sharp razor blades, scissors and needles don't belong any where near the junk. The visuals just made it even more uncomfortable.

So after he found "the Vas," cut and cauterized it, he had to do the same thing to the other side. I don't know what I was thinking, but I initially thought that it was a one-time thing. Nope... Why do it once when you can have twice the fun!

After it was all said and done, they gave me a scrotum support and some Codeine and sent me home. I'm now laying here with an icepack on my nuts, getting ready to watch a movie. Overall, it wasn't really too bad. Just taking one for the team, you know? (but I'm glad I'll never have to do it again!)