Snip Snip! Gone!

I just had a vasectomy and boy I feel great! Yeah, right. Here's how it went.

I started off my uncomfortable day scratching my balls. They itched like crazy because I had to shave them last night. The only good thing about that was that I looked like a porn star afterwards. Nevermind, there's nothing really good about shaving your balls because sharp blades just don't belong down there. Plus, I didn't really look porn star at all.

While walking through the parking lot of the hospital, we saw Santa Clause driving a broken down blue Pontiac. We later saw him in the urology department and I said, "Look Ethan, Santa's getting a vasectomy just like daddy!" He got really excited.

So the next part of my uncomfortable day was walking into this ice cold bathroom/changing room. It must've been 50 degrees in there. Then after walking into the operating room with my ass hanging out of the gown, this really hot nurse walks in to prep me. I'm like, "Heh... hi! Sure is cold in here, isn't it?" I felt like an idiot.

She started off sticking a big grounding patch to my back, which was also ice cold. Then had me lay back and lift up my gown. Talk about uncomfortable! I was basically flashing a hot chick in a freezing cold room. Can you say "Shrinkage?" How embarrassing! I thought that this would be really good fantasy material or something... Wrong!

To top it all off, she had to spread that orange shit all over the area, and guess what... It was also ICE COLD! She used some kind of sponge and did it like 4 or 5 times. Up, down, all around... It was a very humbling experience.

The doctor came in and talking to him was the only comforting factor in the whole procedure. He's done this somewhere between 500 to 1000 times. So that was good but that didn't last very long.

He started off by squeezing my sack and giving me a numbing shot, explaining that I'd feel a 'sharp prick'. Uh, I felt it! Then I'd feel a 'burning sensation'... didn't feel that. Then I'd feel 'some pressure'. Heh, bullshit. It felt like I got hit in the balls by a little league baseball champ swinging a bat at a pinata! Man, that hurt like crazy! I naturally want to curl up or bend over, but I just had to lay there flat on my back.

Then I noticed that I could see an obscured reflection of what he was doing in the overhanging light. I saw scissors and needles and that just made it worse. Just like sharp razor blades, scissors and needles don't belong any where near the junk. The visuals just made it even more uncomfortable.

So after he found "the Vas," cut and cauterized it, he had to do the same thing to the other side. I don't know what I was thinking, but I initially thought that it was a one-time thing. Nope... Why do it once when you can have twice the fun!

After it was all said and done, they gave me a scrotum support and some Codeine and sent me home. I'm now laying here with an icepack on my nuts, getting ready to watch a movie. Overall, it wasn't really too bad. Just taking one for the team, you know? (but I'm glad I'll never have to do it again!)

Ready to go...

My balls are shaved... ready for my vasectomy tomorrow.

Man, talk about a reality check!

Muddy Buddy 2005

Today I did the Muddy Buddy Race for the second year in a row. The Muddy Buddy is a running and mountain biking race you do with a partner. I was supposed to do it with my neighbor Eric again, but he was cool enough to let me race with with my 14-year old nephew, Jordan. Thanks Eric! Yes, you're supposed to be 16 to race, but hey, what's wrong with a little heated competition from a young whipper-snapper.

I came into the race on the verge of a cold, plus I threw my back out the week prior playing Ultimate, so I had no training time whatsoever. Jordan's been kicking ass on his cross country team (they just won league championship), but he's never ridden a mountain bike before. So I had to basically show him how to switch gears in front of the house, on flat ground, which is not realistic at all. I also showed him how to change a flat, just in case. So basically, we had low expectations going into this and simply wanted to have fun. Our team name was Pythagorean's Serum.

Turns out, we actually did pretty well. We placed 25th in our division of 62 teams, and beat all of my riding buddies. So I had to rub it in a little.

I created this logo as a friendly reminder of how they got smoked and told them I'm going to make them t-shirts for Christmas. Then they all complained about how I basically "cheated" by using a minor and they joked about turning me into the Muddy Buddy authorities. So, I updated the logo to make them feel better about the situation. No more responses after that... I call that the virtual smack down.

There was also a kids race, which was a blast. The kids had to go through a small obstacle course then through the mud pit. I took Ethan through the course, but right when he got to the pit, he didn't want to go in. So I picked him up and started to walk through the mud, thinking that he might see it as fun. Instead, he started crying. So I'm stuck carrying him through the mud, trying not to laugh. My friends are on the sideline yelling "Throw him in! Throw him in!" I just couldn't. I saw those tears and with my luck it would've damaged him somehow and he would spend the rest of his life freaking out at the sight of dirt or something.

Ryann did the race with no problem. She tackled the obstacle course and basically tip-toed through the mud like a little girl. Totally appropriate.

Here are photos of the event. Can't wait for next year!

Bill Pay

I'm on my way to Seattle for a usability test on the new Bill Pay prototype I've been working on. I'm writing this only because this is the most exciting project that I've worked on since I've worked for Washington Mutual in the past 3 years. I've worked on some of their bigger projects in the past, most recently was the WaMu Direct online application (to compete with ING.) But this one... this one is huge, at least to me. To think that I'm working on something that will effect millions of people, sometimes on a daily basis, just blows me away. I haven't been this excited since we started theSupplyChain.com 6 years ago.

The prototype simply kicks ass. It's going to take about a year and a half to implement all the features that I put in. But once they are, it'll be so killer that even I would switch over... and that's saying a lot because I've been a BofA customer for 15 years and an avid online bill payer since it started about 9 years ago. BofA's Bill Pay system is the best that I've seen and has inspired me through this whole process. But once our system is complete, that is, when it's similar to my prototype, it will blow BofA out of the water.

Welcome to the world, Ava!

Ava was born last night and she's doing great! So is Tricia, which is surprising considering the stats...

Weight - 9lb 3oz (Keep in mind that Tricia is normally 105 pounds soaking wet)
Length - 19.5 inches
Time - 9:50pm
Date - June 27, 2005
Hospital - Kaiser
Full Name - Ava Michelle Guido

We induced at 10:00 am and the contractions built up slowly throughout the day. It was finally Go Time at 9:40 pm. Tricia gave 5 hard cycles of pushes and 10 minutes later, Ava was born.

We had a bit of a scare because she was completely purple and didn't breath for a little over a minute (which seemed like about 5 minutes to me.) It was so quiet, you could literally hear a pin drop. Then she started crying and everyone gave a huge sigh of relief.

The next morning Tricia was up walking around by herself and we were out of there by 4:00 pm. She's a trooper that Tricia!

The baby is absolutely beautiful. See for yourself...

Ava's First Two Days

Mountain Biking Incident

This past Sunday, I was riding with 3 other guys up the Indian Truck Trail. One guy, named Dan Frei, in his mid-50's, suffered a massive heart attack and died right there on the trail.

We started at 6:00am to beat the heat. On the way up, we took a lot of breaks, drank a lot of water, and snacked. There were the usual complaints from all of us about being out of shape and a little about the heat, but nothing whatsoever about anything related to this.

Dan fell behind us like he usually does. Sometimes one of us road with him and other times he was alone. At this particular break, about 4 miles up the trail, the three of us waited a good 10 minutes before Eric headed back down to see what was up. Another 10 minutes went by before Rudy and I headed down.

After a half dozen turns I see Eric on the phone, and Dan just lying there on his back. I knew it wasn't good. I get closer and Eric says he's not breathing and doesn't have a pulse... and my stomach drops. He asks "Do you know CPR?" and my stomach drops further.

Surprisingly, neither one of us knew CPR. The person on the phone, who was from the Riverside Fire Dept, said not to move him since he might have broken his neck. And they couldn't instruct us over the phone how to perform CPR.

Eric was instructed to ride down to meet the fire department and Rudy and I were there... with Dan... lifeless... for what seemed like forever, but turned out to be a good 45 minutes before a helicopter arrived and landed near by.

About a half-hour into it, we got ahold of Eric who was driving up with the firemen, and they were able to instruct Rudy, over the phone, on how to give CPR. Rudy went at it like a champ for about 15 minutes, but it was really hopeless. The guys from the Mercy Hospital helicopter took over, pumped him full of adrenaline and other drugs for another 15 minutes, but to no avail.

They said is was most likely a heart attack, and the coroner, after hearing our descriptions, said it was a massive heart attack (or Sudden Cardiac Arest) and in these conditions, CPR was totally useless. Even if he had a massive heart attack in an Emergency Room, chances of him making it were very slim.

At the time we didn't know it was a heart attack. In fact, we had no idea what had happened. But sitting there with him for 45 minutes, being ABSOLUTELY HELPLESS, was the WORST feeling I've ever had in my entire life. It was the longest 45 minutes I've ever had to experience and I never, ever want to feel that again... I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone at anytime.

So, I set up an adult CPR and First Aid class for us with the American Red Cross at my house on Saturday, June 18. EVERYONE MUST ATTEND!

The only excuse that's acceptable is that you are already certified AND up to date. Nothing else.

If you can't afford the 50 bucks, let me know and I'll gladly pay for you.

Where
My House

When
Saturday, June 18th, 9:00am - 4:00pm (one-hour lunch break, lunch provided)

Afterwards
I was thinking we could do a little up and back on the Bedford Motorway, and hopefully NOT use what we've learned that day. Then back to my place for a Bar-B-Que (bring some meat to throw on the grill).

Let me know by June 3rd so I can get an accurate head count. All are welcome.

~D

Shepard Fairey at OCMA

Today Victor and I went to see Shepard Fairey talk about his work at the Beautiful Losers exhibition at OCMA. I've been somewhat of a fan of his for a long time now, but never took the time to learn the background of his Obey Giant campaign. I've heard stories about how it got started and what it actually means, but just as he explained in his talk, they were all wrong. It was interesting, and funny, to learn about how it started by accident and pretty much as a practical joke, but turned into a real statement about marketing and consumption.

I was surprised to learn that he's the same age as me, 35, and that for being a "street artist" he was actually a pretty decent presenter. His social commentary, along with bits of humor, made the hour fly by way too quickly.

We were already going on a two-hour lunch, so we had to zip through the rest of the exhibition. I was pleasantly surprised to see a little Haring and Crumb on the walls. Everything else, from the graffiti to the photography, was just really damned cool. I wish I had more time to absorb it all.

Question of the Day...

"Are blended bullfrogs good for you?"
--Ryann, age 8 (while watching Fear Factor)

She's Anatomically Correct

I'm in Seattle this whole frikken week for a usability study. So I thought I'd take advantage of the long holiday weekend and drag Tricia along with me.

Despite the ice-rain we had a great time. We actualy didn't do much, but it was the first time in at least two years that we had the chance to "get away". We dumped, I mean, dropped off the kids at Grandma and Grampa's in Vegas and took off from there.

We took that Underground Tour that I've been hearing about and it was really cool. We actually got to go and see a REAL movie in a REAL theatre. Wow, was that weird. We saw Ocean's 12.

The funniest part about the weekend was Saturday night we were strolling down 1st street and this homeless man stumbles towards us. He stops and slurs to me, "Hey, where ja git her? She's anno-tomic-ly correct!"

I lost it! That had to have been the most flattering comment I've ever heard. Only in Seattle!